OKAY...Where to start... I thinking I'm about to put myself out there a little more than I usually do. At least to my close friends.. please don't mention it to me unless I ask for your opinion or something. I feel that this is out of character for moi.
So question is... can you be around someone pretty consistently an not develop feelings for that person? I think it's inevitable. I think I spent a lot of time in my life trying not to catch feelings for people. Yeah it's cool when ish is mutual but I can't seem to be on the same page with anyone...Or maybe I am on the same page but I see the story heading in a different direction.
So this go-round. I am openly admitting that I like someone... like I am so not fronting... Usually I would have been chucked the deuces before ever getting to this point. Just kiddin'... I don't chuck deuces... i just disappear w/o warning.
But I feel like I am kidding myself in another department. OK yeah I like someone... but I think I am completely lying to myself when I say that I am content with whatever it is... that's not what I meant... 'I wish it was more' but I am telling myself I don't...that's not really it either...DAMNIT
Analogy time... the situation feels like I am enrolled in a 4 credit hour class with a lab, that I have to make a C in to pass... but it doesn't count towards my degree. I like the class... but it doesn't count for anything, so whats the point. Like taking a class on Dinosaurs... oh how I would love to take a class on Dinosaurs lol
That's a perfect analogy. I like dude...and I don't mind chillin' and hanging out an ish, and doing stuff BUT....why? lol i feel like i should credit-only this class... which translates in to... doing all the things above.. without the feelings.
I don't want to drop the class completely... but... i was advised that I should. To avoid getting hurt. Other words drop off the face of the earth... but that's kinda hard when feelings are there =/
What to do what to do.... I don't want to stop ish just out of fear of what will happen. that not how i like to go about thing.
Oh well...still waiting on the wonderful.
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Friday, May 1, 2009
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2 comments:
Sometimes you just got to say fuck it.. The experiances you get form the "class" might be meaningful in ways you can't imagine!
coming from the girl that got the ultimate deuces (LOL) i say entertain him if you REALLY like him. there is ALWAYS a possibility of something not working out, but on the same hand, there is also the chance of something actually working out and being a beutiful thing. don't live in fear...thats not living. life really is a box of chocolates...you don't know what you are going to get!
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